On Decisions — The Good & Bad Ones And Honoring On Avoiding The Bad Ones!

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Everything in our lives depend on the decisions we take! We all are at the driving seats of our own lives and the decisions are those due to which we set our sights on the routes. After they have taken and executed, we realize they’re successful or failures. We, most often get the credit from the world for the decisions which turn out to be successful or give credits to ourselves, as the results have been the successes. And for the decisions which turn out to be the wrong ones, we often repent, have to bear the losses, the hardships, the pains and of course, we don’t get any applauds or credits.

Now lets think of those decisions which we were about to take but have backed out at the last moment and later ‘our not going ahead’ has only proven to be extremely good decision? Not really! Aren’t they also successes? Mustn’t we celebrate them as well?
Today I am going to give two different examples of mine.

Case #1. We decided to invest in a business. We went ahead. The people who started the business were known to us for many years. Well, there was trust. We invested seeing them. After legal and Chartered firm gave a go ahead, we went ahead. Well, the people could not pull it off and more than that the integrity was a major challenge. Still today, we talk about it. It was our own hard earned money and it has affected us, our lifestyle! We had to cut short many things to bear the loss.

Case #2. We decided to invest in a real estate deal. Everything was final. The papers were ready. Our final decision or the last call was a NO for this! We were required to pour in a huge amount of money into it. We didn’t go ahead at the last moment. We took the decision purely based on the gut-feel! Later it was proved to be our good decision and we applauded ourselves for it, nevertheless, celebrated.

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Now, while the first one we call a failure, what do you call the second one?

The FINAL MOMENT when you take the final most call of going ahead or not to go ahead, that builds or breaks. Later it feels like, rest everything is just worth nothing! We must learn to honor the bad decisions we avoided!

The Case #1 is of extremely important to reach to your goal as more often than not, we encounter with Case#1. Without the Case #1, nothing is possible. What is common between these two cases? The learning. Apparently, these two cases were not lucrative financially, but the amount of lessons we have learnt, they’re priceless! And in life, our prime focus is on our learning! Isn’t it so?

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Shatomita is a free spirited, energetic and independent woman who loves to build, be it family, be it business; Right now, she is busy building Brandonomy, a one-stop knowledge sharing platform for the marketers with the vision of paying forward and collaboration. An occasional writer, adventure seeker, risk taker, music maniac, Shatomita believes women empowerment is no more an option or luxury.
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I believe #masterminds were first talked about in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

Why Collaboration matters ?

We have a growing set of diverse women in this space.

During our forthcoming mastermind sessions, we all come together to support each other in having a successful business, and more importantly – a successful life.

Entrepreneurs, Leaders growing up the Corporate Ladder often feel isolated, as they are usually doing things that most of their friends back at home don’t really understand.

So, it is a treat to be around a group of people who truly understand the benefits and struggles that come with owning your own business.

Navigating the everyday ups-and-downs of life becomes much easier when you have a group behind you, supporting you each step of the way.

Would you agree ?

The author is a Leadership coach and Entrepreneur @ Carolinevibha

Regardless of the industry, listening as a skill can be helpful to assimilate principles that apply and permeate across sectors.

My takeaways from Jitu Virwani’s share yesterday :

That business is built on relationships

That your competitors need not be your enemies rather your greatest support and allies

That harnessing relationships is a critical component for leading a fulfilling life

That you can create a culture of family with your work

That having a clear picture of what you want, builds courage and persistence

That having goals are important but also being flexible is a leadership strength

Thst success and failure are all a part and parcel of living but smiling through it all is still available to you as a choice

That conversations are the magic that builds better levels of understanding

That trust is about you making the effort to know and be known, understand and be understood

That you don’t need to know everything, you can collaborate with others for a stronger move forward

That sometimes you need to push and other times you need to wait

That collaboration is s very very very powerful way to succeed.

#iamvibha #vibhawomen #collaboration #successandfailure

 

@Carolinevibha is an Executive Coach and Entrepreneur

The Environments In Which We Flourish, That’s Ours! We Belong There!

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Today we received a brief from an international spa chain. The brief was that they are looking to increase footfalls at few stores in India. That’s it! The scenario required us on request of the customer to use our multi-colored brain-cells and expand the brief on our own…..may be! 🙂 Needless to say, the brief went back to client asking them to put more meats into it! I love what I do, at least our customers want us to think and that too, encourages free thinking! YO! My earning is in direct correlation to my thinking! 😉 We can be as much creative as possible to let our creative juices fly high! 🙂 Jokes apart, I feel fortunate and grateful where I am currently…For all the environments I am into, I live in and for my conscious reality!

Had I not been nurtured within and under an environment/s, I could not have flourished and could never work at my best. My love for marketing, advertising and marketing-services started due to few distinct sets of environments (culture and people) I have worked within or I have been (in)directly influenced by. The places where I had to curb my enthusiasm, had to swallow back half of the things(mostly at workplace) I wanted to speak out or had to forgo my creative thinking or even had to completely forget about creativity, I ended up feeling frustrated at work then about myself and therefore, about the world!!! 😦

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I observed that I was successful and could give my best at the environments which either I created or when I worked under certain set of people and culture with few commonalities, and where I did not have to sacrifice my own natural inclinations!! For me, they were invigorating. My bosses and mentors have helped me understand myself better over the years, which has helped me to fix it. At certain environments, where I felt I could not perform, I could not speak out either and I felt those environments (for me) were choking and worse than the prisons!

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Its a trial and error. Its our own endeavor. I had to make many sacrifices, needless to say, because the world is really not the way you are, and its you who have to conform, not the other way round…Hence, have gone through many debacles and losses……..losing people, projects, customers, having laid off from jobs and so on.…

We have to find our own carrots which drive us through all the discomfort and suffering. Today still I make many sacrifices. But the forms of the sacrifices have been altered. I am happy and conscious to make these sacrifices. Finding the right environments which are best-suited for me have helped me identify the right opportunities. Also, I have found myself. That’s priceless!

The environments in which we flourish, that’s ours! We belong there! That’s where we blossom and discover ourselves. We must consciously identify them and continue the endeavor until the environments are no longer an issue for us. Then there comes a time when we learn to mold the environments we go! Then we are truly free, unbiased and above everything!

When natural inclination develops into passionate desire, one advances towards his goal in seven-league boots ~ Nikola Tesla

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Shatomita is a free spirited, energetic and independent woman who loves to build, be it family, be it business; Right now, she is busy building Brandonomy, a one-stop knowledge sharing platform for the marketers with the vision of paying forward and collaboration. An occasional writer, adventure seeker, risk taker, music maniac, Shatomita believes women empowerment is no more an option or luxury.

Beauty in Duality

I recall that day when I held my baby sister in my arms and I was told, “Oh, you are the older one! You have to take care of her from now on…” Circa: 1981

Being 7 years older and a 7 year old back then, I didn’t think there was much of a choice 🙂

I loved her and continue to do so, of course the manner drastically differs…I used to be in charge of her while Mom went about her household chores and I felt happy nurturing her in the manner I could…mother-like, sister-like, feminine-like…it felt good, now in hindsight as I did set me up for motherhood…I loved it, period!

Slowly, as she grew up and I think I grew up faster, older and I don’t know whether wiser…

I still hear that voice say to me, “You are not my daughter, you are my son!” Duh, Dad, what was that?

Responsibilities shifted on to me very very slowly and unconsciously when Dad’s umpteen trips for work translated in me playing the SON! I seriously had stopped caring about my appearance, took care of Dad’s finances and just stayed with books as my best friend…That one time, I played the protector when there were curfews at erstwhile Bombay, sleep with a knife under my pillow so Mom and my sister could be safe while Dad was away on one of his trips…

Circa 1996: I still loved it; I was after all Dad’s right hand…the masculine energies had started to gain prominence and I gained some importance in the family for taking on responsibilities which I only gladly took on…I continued to love it as a 20 year old, when my mom had an accident and the Doc took me aside and said, “We don’t know if we can save your Mom!”

I speak this today and no one still knew what it felt like to be standing alone outside at a hospital in Bombay, Dad still in shock and not being able to process anything and two aged grandparents at home to be cared for and my baby sister who was still my baby 🙂 I didn’t tell them anything…

I didn’t cry and haven’t after that date for over two decades…My role as a protector for me meant, I had to stay strong and I did just that…Overnight, from a girl, I became a woman…errrr man, a son that Dad knew! I came face to face with my strong self when nothing used to bother me; Dissociation was an easy thing to come by:) I would just play protector and shield my emotions from weakening me…Crying simply meant playing a wimp, who then would protect people around me? Who would take care of them?

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Protect; I was this large umbrella and people could stand underneath, shelter themselves and leave when they felt better:)

And of course, because I was the strong one, I never needed help! I always had it in me, I could shake an earthquake in its tracks, you see…

Circa 1998: I became a Mom for the first time; I could feel tears wanting to flow down my cheeks when I held her for the first time; nothing…just a lump and then I smiled at those around me..Ooooh, how could I let my role as a protector down? So, there I was, playing protector to my daughter…The warmth of motherhood as cozy as a blanket when I breast-fed her all felt so surreal, but I was not just mom, I was a mom who protected? Psssh, all moms do that, don’t they? But no, I was something else 🙂

Circa 2004: Nature gave me another chance to re-align my misplaced energies; I became a mom yet again…Nah, it just had gotten worse! Very instructional parent and time bound activities…I knew something inside of me was crying out to be released…I didn’t know how, what, where, when?

But kids being kids, they adapted and I ‘protected’ them and fulfilled my duties as a MOM! No one could fault me yeah? Even my Dad said that I was good…Validated and Checked OK! I was still shaking the earthquake in its tracks; I never asked for help on anything! I was strong geez…Grapple with that!

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Soon, I realised that being practical and perfectly logical meant I could play the role very well! Everything had a plan and everything included my kids…ooooh dangerous…

Circa 2016: I do believe a lot of my protector role came in handy as I play the role of a Life Coach and Dissociation was easy…nothing affected me and things were beautiful as I served with a genuine intent of making a difference to my clients and people I worked with!

But, but…I always envied them…whoosh how?

They could cry, I couldn’t! Just a lump in my throat and no tears…

I still remember telling a client, “You look so beautiful when you cry!” It was…All I knew was I could hold space for anyone on the face of this planet to be themselves and pour out their woes!

Till one day, I had a major breakthrough…

My older daughter said, “I have two Dads!” It hit me hard; she wa turning 18 and I know I had done  fair job with both kids but had transferred my moronic masculine tinges to them too; but somehow they had managed to dodge it and knew how to balance it well! they could cry, ask for help, be strong, help people…my kids knew it! I was just starting…

cryingI decided to take charge and one day, in a coaching session when one of my clients had a meltdown, for the first time, I told my heart: learn how to cry, watch and after a while I could feel the sides of my temple get heavy and my eyes actually welled up…

Whoa, Whoa! What just happened? Where did the protector vanish?

Oh, she was very much there, strong as ever but vulnerable as a leaf in a strong rain:)

It felt good…

Slowly, I realised that I ‘allowed’ myself to cry at movies, cry after watching a heart-warming video…It felt awesome!

Circa 2017: No, I haven’t had my catharsis…it will happen soon…but I know one thing, my daughters said, “You finally our Mom!” Wow! So easy, yeah?

The umbrella is always going to be there but I am okay to let that umbrella sway in the rain

And I feel myself softening up with people not in a dissociated way but associated and unconditionally 🙂 Voila, it actually feels great… Absence of something makes me realise the presence of something!

By actually allowing myself to let my guard down for a while, I realised that something else was waiting to show up…

2018: I like the duality that exists and I can now finally sing in a high pitch that I could never do before being just strong and not allowing for softer energies to play around…I love better and I am just being ME…Finders…keepers….Oh am keeping this for sure…

Gull FightI did have a meltdown even today and its painful and yet so beautiful…I feel that dam waiting to fall and it will like a pack of cards and that day I will be liberated and ready to give my whole to the world and to the work I do…this duality is so beautiful to behold…it surfaces from my core at any time and I am still struggling to find my foothold as it still feels strange but I know it feels right…I love better, I connect better…

I am aware of the existence of this duality now and know the joys of beholding its beauty as it has let me go back to being my authentic self….I finally feel free as I soar high and higher…

 

 

Transitions are hard Because we’ve told ourselves a story.

 

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It feels or looks or sounds great.
Until the music stops.
And there’s nothing left.

And we know we’re dragging our feet. Because sometimes dragging feels safer than exploring.

I was on the phone with a potential client this evening. This person has successfully moved into a new role and is looking for support while learning the ropes.

Switch to the personal side.
There’s a divorce underway.

Why am I telling you this ?
Because we are one whole. ( Personal and Professional areas of life )

And one area of life begins to glide into another.
And if we are peaceful then focus gets better.
Clarity is possible. And so is self confidence.

There’s more to this 👆 list. The point is that
– There’s always 1 or 2 areas for us that we would absolutely enjoy growing into.
– Transitions are scary – because we were doing things we’ve not done before.
– The takeoff might be the hardest part. It does gets smoother once we’re off.

Your thoughts are welcome

The author us an Executive Coach and Entrepreneur

@Carolinevibha

 

 

Setting The Right Example!

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Setting right examples of successes of the women who are around us is important and whats more important for everyone (irrespective of gender) is to understand that a woman can really build everything! A happy and successful professional and personal life!

After a point, there’s NO work-life balance! The work is life and the life is work! The ‘women in leadership’ do not get there and sustain just because they are women, but because they are worthy! To get there, they have to compete with many, including men. And to sustain there, they have to prove themselves and do hard work, very very hard work! And to be irreplaceable, they have to be unique and exclusive throughout. There are no dearth of the #nincompoops who tell that its very easy for women!!!!!! Well, such people often believe that women work and are career-focused when–
Case #1: When their husbands can not afford a good livelihood alone
Case #2: When they are separated, divorcee or single and need to carry their own costs or their husbands have abandoned them
Case #3: When the women are working to stay occupied or pass the time when kids or husbands aren’t home or as hobby or pay.

Very unfortunately, extremely minor percentile truly believe and also understand that women must be working for themselves to have an identity of their own and/or to make an impact and/or to attain a goal that they have for themselves and also to impact the society at large and economy if we look at the macro perspective. Its illogical to waste fifty percent of the population being wasted and making no contribution to the economy.

#FromRecruitersStandpoint: Placing Women in Leadership will continue to suffer till the time the women increase their risk-taking appetites and the world around, realize that women’s income are not additional income for their families. In fact, very much alike men’s income is in direct co-relation with their abilities, various skills, experiences and so on, it must be very much same for the women as well. The psychology that works in hiring Or, in considering and accepting women in any senior profiles is that they are extra/additional/over and above, hence no long term commitment from them or having them taking the plunge into more serious responsibilities, hence the above! Its logical that as recruiter they negotiate to pay the women lesser. Also, they push women to profiles like where the risks are less, travels are less and so on! This is where the women lag behind. One example, when I recruit for sales profiles, Its so difficult to find women in sales, end up zeroing down on the profiles who are of men, even if at cases I liked the women profiles more.

#FromRecruitPerspective: Its the safety net, the love for the comfort zones, the secured life, which hold them cozy and not to come out of that, for which they are mostly risk-averse. Offer the women any role which is slow growth, low pay and low risk, vis-a-vis high growth, high pay and high risk; Most of the times, the women will opt for the first one. They need to understand “Its ok to fail” “Its ok to do messy stuffs” “Its ok when people laugh at, “Its ok, Its ok, Its ok!”

The fabulous women who have made it for themselves, have defied all the norms (Not synonymous with disrespect) and created unique and iconic examples for others. Needless to say, they are high risk takers and have shattered their own comfort zones and made their own benchmarks at each step they have walked on; Most importantly, they have won themselves including their guilt. And finally, so many of such women have very happy personal lives, established and well-to-do spouses and their children are established as well.

#StayVulnerableForYourself #KeepLearning #RiskTaking#WomenInLeadership #CutTheCrap #AvoidTheNincompoops

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Shatomita is a free spirited, energetic and independent woman who loves to build, be it family, be it business; Right now, she is busy building Brandonomy, a one-stop knowledge sharing platform for the marketers with the vision of paying forward and collaboration. An occasional writer, adventure seeker, risk taker, music maniac, Shatomita believes women empowerment is no more an option or a luxury.